Entree

We would like to start this blog with an anecdote which will illustrate the natures of the authors of the blog of which you are the reader (this is the affore mentioned ridiculousness).

Character List

S: struggling writer and housemate to P
P: overambitious ukulele player and housemate to S
Casper: man of the house, S's cat

Scene: the house, early morning

P is awoken by S's cries of "No Casper no! Put it down, don't touch it!" The cries are coming from S's boho boudoir. She (P that is) launches herself out of bed and stumbles around the corner struggling to emerge from the haze of slumber. She (P again) is accosted by the sight of S standing on her bed all a'tremble, her pointed finger drawing P's gaze downward to witness a murder interrupted. Casper had trapped, under his paw, a small and frightened mouse. The cat was quickly shooed away from it's vulnerable prey and that's when the full extent of this woeful situation was revealed. The delicate rodent's hind quarters were paralysed and it was so weak from exhaustion it could barely lift its sweet head. Oh what to do?

Options

1. Release the mouse to the wild
2. Call a man
3. Take it to the vet
4. Allow natural predation to take its course
5. Put mouse out of misery

Number 1 is really no option as the mouse would be in severe pain for goodness knows how long and we cannot have that on our conscience. Number 2 also no option as any men we knew were away, working (as a real man should always be) or not up to the task. Number 3. Are you freaking serious? We are university students who can barely afford to eat (which suggests the possibility of a 6th option). Number 4 is also out of the question because whilst the cat is under our roof it will not torture any living creature. Leaving Number 5.........

This brings up a whole new set of problems: how to commit a murder humanely. Phonecalls were made and suggestions were tabulated but many of them were not suitable. For example to strangle a mouse would require a firm grip of the little body of which we were about to deprive life. This would change us irrevocably and not for the better. Beheading it meant sullying a kitchen knife and would need a keen aim. Squashing, elicited a certain scene from In Bruges (told you we were uni students) and this is not pleasant (although it is a great movie and we highly recommend it). We were left with only one option: to hang by the neck until dead. Unfortunately S was late for a staff meeting, leaving no time to manufacture a hangmans noose so we drowned the little bugger.

Now to all you sanctimonious naysaying blaggards who feel outraged by such a measure we say this: 'Let he who has no sin, cast the first stone'