Arachnophobia

Setting: the study, late at night, cold and wet outside but oh so comfy and warm in here

Cast: P (S being busy with study in the kitchen)

I must apologise for my absence on the last entry. Unfortunately I was doing just about the most un-bohemian thing ever- working. Also I will be apologising for any spelling or grammatical errors in this blog, on a scale of 1 to 10 (10 being the most tired you've ever been and 1 being on crack) I am on a solid 9.

I was just about to write about how The Lion King still gives me goosebumps and how upset I still get in the stampede scene when I remembered there are more pressing matters.

Spiders

So a few months ago I declared an all out war on the Araneae family and I'm here to tell you that I think I may have made a grave mistake and taken on more than I can handle.

Growing up I always had great respect for spiders, most of them are small and not harmful to me and they keep a lid on the ever climbing irritating insect problem. I was OK if the spiders kept to their space and me to mine. However a few months ago I began to find them in my room and in the bathroom on a regular basis. I was a little unsettled by this and didn't understand why they were disrupting the delicate harmony of our relationship. The last straw came when I found one on my towel.....................ON MY TOWEL!!!! Why would it be there other than to bite me on the bum so I would have to go the doctors with an embarrassing problem? I decided not to think about the wife and children this spider had at home and killed him on the spot.

This was war. What was I meant to do? Sit in silence? Live in fear? No Farnham and my conscience would not let it be so. I had to fight back and so I did. If only I knew then what I knew now. If only I knew what I would unleash upon myself. I thought it would be all over by Christmas yet it drags on.

I moved in with S and kept finding spiders in my room. I was really unsettled, they were obviously living in my cupboard but what could I do? I'd lived a life of peace until now, I had no experience in warfare. I thought it couldn't get any worse but I couldn't be more wrong. I bought a dress from a shop we shall call Gangsta-mart and didn't have time to wash it before I wore it. The next day the back of my thigh was incredibly itchy, I went to S and asked her if she could see anything. Her horrified reaction caused me to rush to the nearest mirror to see for myself. The sight was terrible. There was a huge red lump about the size of my hand with 2 tiny puncture marks in the centre.

Sidenote: if Peter Parker got bitten by a radioactive spider and turned into Spiderman what effect would a Chinese factory spider have on me?

What do I do now? This is so much more than I anticipated. There is a big spider that lives on Surene's car and he only comes out at night. I've decided to try and make peace and I think Jack is the spider for the job. I chat to him when I take the rubbish out or come home from a late night out. Hopefully he will spread the message of goodwill