Dear ...,

Dear Friends,

Our sincere apologies for the blog silence that has pervaded over the Christmas season.  I have read some of our latest blogs and I have noticed that many have been motivated by unquiet feeling, be it anger, despair, umbridge, indignance ect.  Thus it was decided to wait for some inspiration from more serene ponds, I did not anticipate, however, that these ponds are frozen solid during Christmas. Closed for the summer. Guarded by snipers.  Surrounded by a ring of poison tipped barb wire, land mines, a moat of nuclear waste, the living room of Bret Michaels. Only accessible through a soul sucking black hole. In North Korea. Does this mean I am old and jaded, a better looking Scrooge aiming my stake 'o holly at the 'eart of every fool wiv merry Christmas on 'is lips.  Has the childhood brilliance that shone at Christmas vanished? Bugger - tangent, what I am trying to say is that what follows here will celebrate love, the little feathers that tickle my fancy.


Dear Sensible and Charming Cafe's,

I would like to raise my cup of tea to you in a toast that commends your selection of lovely cookies, lovely in size, lovely in taste and lovely in price.  I am tired of the over-sized, androgynous, mass produced and exorbitant discs with receding chocolate fringes, carefully displayed in glass specimen jars and standing as a monument of a consumer society which is willing to sell out on the joys of small delights.  (I have done it again, soz, - happy blog, happy blog, happy blog...).  I love it when I am given the option to choose a ginger nut or a macadamia short bread or a chocolate chip or a Bavarian sugar cookie or that dark horse, the ANZAC (it's even healthy because they have oats in them) or a passion fruit delight that really does satisfy and is enough for three polite mouthfulls.  I have even found some establishments that sell them three for a dollar and a half, brilliant! One for me, one for my friend, another for later - handy should it become necessary for me to bribe a small child. So, I would like to thank you special Cafe with your sensible cookie diameter and sensational cookie taste, you have made little moments of my life splendid and you make me happy.

S.    

Dear anyone involved with casting for films,

Could I please recommend to you the legs of Rupert Penry Jones.  They are long and lean and masculine and look strapping in a pair of britches. They are perfectly suited to roles that require period costuming, especially if boots are involved.  If a lot of running is required mister R. Penry Jones is certainly your man, whether he is chasing a fast horse that has run away with the woman he loves, or is being chased by a corrupt official of the law, angry because his girlfriend has become distracted by what would be Ruppie's character's elegant movement, he is up to the task.  Plus he can act. Plus you have a definite audience, me and all of my friends (well, all those of the female persuasion). Plus you don't even need to audition for the role of the female character because I will do it for free. Plus he has nice legs, two of them.

Can I thank you in advance for your careful consideration,

S.

Dear Mr. Matthew (V.) Goode,

A little while ago P, C, and our most frequent and welcome house guest, J, were watching a little quality television.  It was "Celebrity Sexiest..." something a'rather (referring to some body part) on  channel 'E'.  You were not listed in their count down - idiots! However, you were given the chance to speak for an extended period of time about Johnathan Rhys Meyers bottom, and eventhough this topic is tasteless you spoke with such awesome eloquence that the general effect on the room was swoon. Now that I have begun this letter, I feel rather at a loss for words, because what I have to say is rather short.  We love you.  Just three words but spoken in truth. I would like to emphasise that this is not a sordid love elicited by your physique alone, we are none such base creatures.  It is obvious that you are intelligent, witty, charming and kind hearted.   You were wonderful in My Family and Other Animals and that episode of Miss Marple - see, we appreciate your acting ability as well. We would, however, like to suggest that you stick to roles that demand an English accent, brown to black hair worn in a slightly tussled fashion, with stylish, almost old world, dress sense. Not that you are not able to act well as an American or as a blond but these roles simply do not exhibit your finer points, your sleek muscular shoulders, your fine eyes and your sweet smile. Oh, and they are demeaning to your acting prowess as well.  See this is true love, because no obsessed, silly girl, too immature to recognise for your talent would have the courage to show you where you can improve.  I think that this is a sound basis for a relationship. The residents of this home humbly offer ourselves as friend and confidantes and perhaps something more (we would be willing to consider living as part of a harem).  Just leave a comment at the bottom of the post to organise a meeting when you are next in this part of the world.

With boundless ardour,
S.

Dear Ms. Dawn French,

I have just finished reading your memoir and would like to dedicate this blog to you.  I have thoroughly enjoyed the humour, I appreciate the stretch in my vocabulary and I admire the sensitivity with which you relate personal experiences.  Most of all, I would like to thank you for the format of your book as every thought born in the last in the week has been addressed and mentally posted.

Thank you awfully,

S. (Just a pseudonym, don't worry)