Spoiler Alert

Ladies and gentlemen it has come to my attention recently that there are number of you out there concerned about the possibility of a real zombie invasion or the likelihood of the sun expanding and consuming the earth or that maybe, just maybe, we will soon be embroiled in a global war and shall end up destroying each other as our humanity slowly fades with the desperate struggle for survival. None of these shall come to pass. I am quite certain of it. I know exactly how the human race will be forever expunged from the face of the planet and I recommend that if you are in any way a hysterical or paranoid person that you cease reading this blog entry for the sake of your own sanity and peace of mind.

Cephalopods everyone. That is how we will be brought down, by cephalopods. I have no confirmation on this from any reliable sources, in fact I have formulated this whole theory on my own, but the signs are there! Cephalopods, for those who are not strangely obsessed with marine biology, are really just squid and octopuses. "What's so scary about them?" you may ask "I mean I know they are incredibly ugly and creepy looking and what the heck is with the eight to ten arms but they can't take over the world....can they?" you may continue. Cephalopods are the most intelligent and the fastest of all marine invertebrates. They move by JET PROPULSION and some of them can fly through the air for up to 50m! I think I'd struggle to sprint 50m let alone fly. They have brains throughout their whole body, thousands of taste buds all over their suckers, incredible eyesight and statocysts which means they can detect gravity! They have more than one heart. They are amazing at camouflage and can communicate to each other by flashing signals across their bodies. Sometimes when they are scared they leave an ink trail which mirrors their body shape so their predator will be confused. How do they do that? I struggle with bubblegum! They have long and short term memory and the scariest thing of all.....they are observational learners. They watch other creatures and learn from them. They watch us and learn from us. Soon they will have gathered enough information to band together, crawl out of the ocean and begin to destroy our cities. There are so many of them that it is bound to happen one day. You may think we are safe because we are so much larger than them but what about the giant or colossal squid which can grow to 13 or 14m long! No one is safe.

I'm sorry if I have frightened some of you with this disturbing tale of impending doom but I really do feel the people deserve the truth. Every time you see a friend or family member make sure you tell them how much they really mean to you because you never know when the tentacle of a cephalopod could end their life forever.

P